Although the Christmas period is often perceived as the 'most wonderful time of the year' we know this is often not the case for many people. 2024 has been a challenging year for some: energy and food crisis (heating or eating), housing crisis, the dissolving of families, bereavement, increased (social and general) anxiety, barriers to education and healthcare and many more.
Moreover, Christmas can be a difficult time of year for many people. This can be due to various issues from financial strain to complex family dynamics. Many people’s social media may be covered in happy families in matching Christmas pyjamas and huge gifts. Leading to comparisons being made to their own Christmas day and feelings of inadequacy compared to the ‘perfect’ families displayed on social media.
Other issues such as practical difficulties: Finding childcare, family issues such as bereavement or estrangement and isolation. Not to mention the health and wellbeing challenges such as vast amounts of temptation around health, food, alcohol, and drugs. Further, the pressure to be happy and enjoy the time of year can be enough to tip anyone over the edge whether that’s from a period of good mental health or even just getting by.
The festive period is a standard time for people to have a lapse when it comes to their diet, smoking, and sobriety. It’s important to focus on differentiating a lapse vs relapse.
A lapse refers to a short return to an unhealthy coping mechanism. It is a one-time (or temporary) step back on a recovery journey. A relapse refers to a return to a coping mechanism, which someone has previously managed to control or quit completely. In a relapse the use goes back to previous levels of use, or close to this. A lapse does not inevitably lead to a relapse. Focusing on preventing lapses from becoming relapses is key for sustainable lifestyle changes, especially when it comes to weight management and alcohol consumption.
Here are our best tips for ensuring your lapse does not become a relapse:
1 - Reflect
Before you rush to punish yourself or fall into despair over your recent lapse, take some time to reflect on the lapse. What is the nature of your addiction, what benefits do you think the substances or behaviours you are addicted to give you? It's easy to think of the negatives surrounding addiction. If we focus on what we feel or think we may gain from these behaviours, it will help us understand our addictive tendencies better and learn new ways of dealing with the root of the problem. For example, does drinking alcohol help you to distract yourself from negative emotions? If this is the case, you could look at some healthy coping mechanisms like therapy, exercises, and hobbies and create a 'toolbox' to turn to before reaching for the bottle.
After you have learnt more about the nature of your addiction, reflect on what was happening in the days, weeks or months leading up to your lapse. Have you stopped doing the things you enjoy more than usual? Has your schedule changed over Christmas leading to less time focusing on your own wellbeing? Have you had to deal with confronting situations?
Learning about what was happening before can not only help you to recognise your triggers but can also help you to learn the warning signs a lapse is going to happen so you can intervene quicker. Developing awareness around triggers (e.g. stress, social situations, or emotional eating) can help prevent lapses from escalating. Understanding that a lapse doesn't mean failure can reduce the risk of a full relapse. View lapses as part of the journey, not as a signal to give up. Identifying why a lapse happened can help in developing strategies to cope better next time.
Reflect on the consequences of your lapse. Did it cause strain on your relationships, harm your self-worth, or make you act in a way you are not proud of? Did you lose money? Take some time to sit with these consequences and remember why you chose to stop your addictive or unhealthy behaviour in the first place.
Finally, reflect on how far you have come; a lapse can cause us to forget that the road to a new lifestyle is long and not straightforward. Remind yourself how well you have done.
2 - Forgive yourself
After lapsing into unhealthy behaviours and doing the thing you promised you'd never do again, it is straightforward to fall into a state of disappointment and even self-loathing. If your lapse does become a relapse remember it is not uncommon, with 40-60% of adults with addiction relapsing at some point in their recovery journey. In fact, many believe that lapsing/relapsing and learning how to get back on track is part of the recovery journey. No journey to sobriety or lifestyle changes run in a straight line. When you learn how to forgive yourself in recovery, you are allowing yourself to have more peace of mind to move forward in your recovery more successfully. After all, self-loathing, disappointment and anger toward yourself are going to make you more likely to turn to your self-sabotaging and unhealthy habits. Allow yourself to feel like you deserve happiness and the lifestyle you have dreamed of.
Ways to practice forgiveness:
Think of each setback as a learning experience and think of the knowledge you have gained.
Notice your thoughts and challenge those thoughts when you are having negative self-talk. If you think, 'I'm never going to achieve what I want to achieve or be able to live the life I want', question it, ask yourself, why not? Flip that thought to a more positive viewpoint: 'When I achieve my goals, I am going to feel so grateful and happy.'
3 - Seek support
Engaging in support networks, whether through counselling, social groups, or weight management programs, can provide encouragement and accountability. These systems can be particularly effective when someone experiences a lapse and needs guidance before it turns into a relapse. A sound support system is essential for keeping yourself accountable and motivated and giving yourself a sense of belonging and purpose. Speaking to people and connecting with people on the same journey as you can be a profoundly healing experience and help you realise that you are not alone.
If you are not already a part of AA or NA or have a fitness buddy – seek one out. Making a whole lifestyle change is an arduous journey, and it is made so much easier by going through it with someone by your side.
4- Small steps forward
Finally, remember the importance of routine and small achievable goals. Don't set yourself up for failure with unachievable goals; for example, if you are currently not doing any physical activity and eating 3000 calories a day, don't challenge yourself to work out 6 times a week and restrict calories to 1200 (on this note – never restrict your calories intake to 1200 per day).
Sometimes, looking to the future can seem daunting, and your goals may seem so far ahead, but remember that you will get there one step at a time. Focus on the small steps. Your steps and goals can be as small as needed - this is your journey and can not be compared to anyone else's.
An excellent example for those using AA/ NA is to get yourself a '60 second' chip and remind yourself that you just need to get through the next 60 seconds. These 60 seconds will slowly but surely add up to an hour, a day, or a week. Adding structure to your day could be simple, such as going to bed at the same time every night or adding a fitness class to your routine once a week. If you need help, you can always contact your health and wellbeing team within your GP surgery.
Journalling is also a good way to look at your behaviours and habits so you can make small changes. Remember every small change will help you to achieve your goal.
In summary, focusing on the concept of lapsing vs. relapsing allows for a more compassionate and effective approach to managing weight and alcohol consumption. Recognizing lapses as temporary setbacks rather than failures can help individuals stay motivated and avoid falling into the trap of a full relapse, ultimately fostering a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle. Implementing behavioural strategies, such as self-monitoring, goal setting, and developing healthier coping mechanisms for stress, can help mitigate the likelihood of both lapses and relapses
If you have any questions or need support, please contact the wellbeing team via the website or email bswicb.ekpcnadmin@nhs.net. And please keep us updated on how you are getting on with your goal – we are here to support you. Always remember that you can always access professional support if you need help on your road to recovery, so you don’t have to go it alone.
Other places you can access support:
UKNA (Narcotics anonymous) https://meetings.ukna.org/meeting/search
Thanks to Molly (care coordinator) and Alison (social prescriber) for writing this blog.
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